Posted: 28 Oct 2003, 22:07
bio ro?endan i dobio deeebelu knjigu s puuno viceva pa da podjelim par s vremena na vrijema
no ?ini mi se da ?u otvoriti jo[?] jedan topic s vicevima namjenjen prevoditeljima, jer su mi nerazumljivi, da mi objasne [?]to je smje[?]no
za po?etak evo par lako razumljivih (dodajte kad naletite na koji smje[?]ni):
A man buys two dogs from the pet shop and no matter what he does he can't stop them from shagging each other. He tries throwing cold water over them, putting pepper on their backsides, and then changing their diet, but nothing works. In desperation he rings the vet in the middle of the night to tell him the problem.
"Here's a good idea," says the vet. "Why don't you take the telephone over to the dogs and give each of them a ring." "Will that really work?" replies the astonished man.
"Well it damn well worked for me," says the vet as he slams down the phone.
****************
A woman is left a pair of parrots in her aunt's will and immediately rings the vet to ask him how she can tell which was the male and which the female.
The vet tells her to creep down first thing in the morning and try and catch them mating; the one on top would be the male and she should mark him with some tape. This the woman does and on catching them in the act she puts a white tape around the male bird's neck. A couple of days later the vicar comes to tea and on seeing him the male parrot says, "Oho, caught you too, did they?"
*******************
In another part of the parish a woman has a parrot who uses such foul language she has to keep him covered up when visitors . call round. One day the vicar comes to tea and on hearing about her problem suggests he take the parrot back to his house where he has a female parrot who is forever on her knees praying. Maybe she can change his ways. The woman agrees and the parrot goes back with the vicar. As soon as he is put in the female parrot's cage, his awful behaviour begins. "C'mon girl, let's get to it, get them little parrot knickers off." Lo and behold, before the vicar or the lady can intervene, the female parrot replies, "At long bloody last, my prayers have been answered."
************
Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the woods when she spots the big bad wolf hiding behind a tree.
"Come out, come out, I can see you, Mr Wolf!" she shouts. "How can you see me?" he asks.
"I saw your big bushy tail sticking out."
Mr Wolf turns and disappears deeper into the woods but a few minutes later, Little Red Riding Hood shouts, "Come out, come out, Mr Wolf, I can see you behind the rocks."
Out comes the wolf and asks, "How can you see me?" "I saw your big ears sticking out," she says.
The wolf runs further into the woods but again hears her shouting. "Come out, come out Mr Wolf, I can see you behind that bush." "How did you see me this time?"
"I saw your long nose sticking out."
"Just who are you anyway?" asks the wolf angrily. "I'm Little Red Riding Hood."
"And what are you doing here in the woods?" "I'm going to visit my grandma."
" Well go and fucking visit her then!" yells the wolf, "and let me have a shit in peace!"
*********************
Snow White was asked to leave Fairyland last wek.
She was found sitting on Pinocchio's face saying, " Tell a lie, tell the truth,
tell a lie, tell the truth,...
************
The film had only been on 20 minutes when a women came rushing
out into the foyer of the cinema looking very upset.
"I've been interfered with!" she complained to the manager. He
eventually to calm her down and took her to another section
of the cinema. However, a short time later another woman ran out complaining of the same thing.
This was too much for the manager, so he took his torch and went to
investigate. Lo and behold the torch picked up a bald-headed man
crawling along on all fours.
"What's going on?" he demanded.
2I've lost my hairpiece," said the man. ! I put my hand on it twice but
it got away."
******************
Taking his girlfriend to the cinema, the man's wig fell off when they
were canoodling in the back row. As he felt around trying to find it,
his hand accidentally went up his girlfriend's skirt.
"Oooh..." she moaned. "Go on, go on, that's it."
"No, it can't be," he said. "I part mine on the right."
*******************
Why did the Lone Ranger kill Tonto?
He found out what 'Kemo Sabe' meant.
********
:xlol:
no ?ini mi se da ?u otvoriti jo[?] jedan topic s vicevima namjenjen prevoditeljima, jer su mi nerazumljivi, da mi objasne [?]to je smje[?]no
za po?etak evo par lako razumljivih (dodajte kad naletite na koji smje[?]ni):
A man buys two dogs from the pet shop and no matter what he does he can't stop them from shagging each other. He tries throwing cold water over them, putting pepper on their backsides, and then changing their diet, but nothing works. In desperation he rings the vet in the middle of the night to tell him the problem.
"Here's a good idea," says the vet. "Why don't you take the telephone over to the dogs and give each of them a ring." "Will that really work?" replies the astonished man.
"Well it damn well worked for me," says the vet as he slams down the phone.
****************
A woman is left a pair of parrots in her aunt's will and immediately rings the vet to ask him how she can tell which was the male and which the female.
The vet tells her to creep down first thing in the morning and try and catch them mating; the one on top would be the male and she should mark him with some tape. This the woman does and on catching them in the act she puts a white tape around the male bird's neck. A couple of days later the vicar comes to tea and on seeing him the male parrot says, "Oho, caught you too, did they?"
*******************
In another part of the parish a woman has a parrot who uses such foul language she has to keep him covered up when visitors . call round. One day the vicar comes to tea and on hearing about her problem suggests he take the parrot back to his house where he has a female parrot who is forever on her knees praying. Maybe she can change his ways. The woman agrees and the parrot goes back with the vicar. As soon as he is put in the female parrot's cage, his awful behaviour begins. "C'mon girl, let's get to it, get them little parrot knickers off." Lo and behold, before the vicar or the lady can intervene, the female parrot replies, "At long bloody last, my prayers have been answered."
************
Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the woods when she spots the big bad wolf hiding behind a tree.
"Come out, come out, I can see you, Mr Wolf!" she shouts. "How can you see me?" he asks.
"I saw your big bushy tail sticking out."
Mr Wolf turns and disappears deeper into the woods but a few minutes later, Little Red Riding Hood shouts, "Come out, come out, Mr Wolf, I can see you behind the rocks."
Out comes the wolf and asks, "How can you see me?" "I saw your big ears sticking out," she says.
The wolf runs further into the woods but again hears her shouting. "Come out, come out Mr Wolf, I can see you behind that bush." "How did you see me this time?"
"I saw your long nose sticking out."
"Just who are you anyway?" asks the wolf angrily. "I'm Little Red Riding Hood."
"And what are you doing here in the woods?" "I'm going to visit my grandma."
" Well go and fucking visit her then!" yells the wolf, "and let me have a shit in peace!"
*********************
Snow White was asked to leave Fairyland last wek.
She was found sitting on Pinocchio's face saying, " Tell a lie, tell the truth,
tell a lie, tell the truth,...
************
The film had only been on 20 minutes when a women came rushing
out into the foyer of the cinema looking very upset.
"I've been interfered with!" she complained to the manager. He
eventually to calm her down and took her to another section
of the cinema. However, a short time later another woman ran out complaining of the same thing.
This was too much for the manager, so he took his torch and went to
investigate. Lo and behold the torch picked up a bald-headed man
crawling along on all fours.
"What's going on?" he demanded.
2I've lost my hairpiece," said the man. ! I put my hand on it twice but
it got away."
******************
Taking his girlfriend to the cinema, the man's wig fell off when they
were canoodling in the back row. As he felt around trying to find it,
his hand accidentally went up his girlfriend's skirt.
"Oooh..." she moaned. "Go on, go on, that's it."
"No, it can't be," he said. "I part mine on the right."
*******************
Why did the Lone Ranger kill Tonto?
He found out what 'Kemo Sabe' meant.
********
:xlol: