Muškarac iz snova
Moj muškarac snova
(djevojka, 22 god)
1. izgleda dobro
2. šarmantan
3. bogat
4. zna slušati
5. bistar
6. istreniran
7. dobro se odijeva
8. ima lijepe manire
9. dolazi s ugodnim iznena?enjima
10. maštovit ljubavnik
Moj muškarac snova
(izmijenjene postavke, 32 god)
1. izgleda dobro (ako je mogu?e da ima kose na glavi)
2. otvara mi vrata
3. ima dovoljno novaca za platiti ve?eru
4. više sluša nego sam pri?a
5. smije se mojim vicevima
6. može kupljeno donijeti ku?i
7. posjeduje najmanje jednu kravatu
8. cijeni dobro skuhanu hranu
9. sje?a se važnih ro?endana i godišnjica
10. najmanje jednom tjedno je romanti?an
Moj muškarac snova
(izmijenjene postavke, 42 god)
1. nije preružna lica (?ela je ok)
2. ne po?ne prije voziti, nego ja sjednem u auto
3. redovito radi - s vremena na vrijeme me povede u restoran
4. kad razgovaram s nekim, potvr?uje naj?eš?e na pravom mjestu
5. sjeti se poruke ako on pri?a vic
6. dovoljno je snažan da može premjestiti namještaj
7. obla?i košulje koje pokrivaju trbuh
8. ne kupuje pjenušac s metalnim zatvara?em
9. sjeti se spustiti poklopac na WC-u
10. brije se krajem tjedna
Moj muškarac snova
(izmijenjene postavke, 52 god)
1. njeguje dla?ice u uhu i nosu
2. ne ?eše se u javnosti
3. ne posu?uje novac
4. ne zaspi dok mu pri?am važne stvari
5. ne pri?a isti vic pre?esto
6. dovoljno je snažan da se može di?i iz fotelje
7. koristi ?isto donje rublje i jednake ?arape
8. cijeni dobru hranu
9. naj?eš?e se sje?a mog imena
10. brije se nakon nekoliko tjedana
Moj muškarac snova
(izmijenjene postavke, 62 god)
1. ne plaši malu djecu
2. sjeti se gdje je WC
3. nije preskup za održavanje
4. tiho hr?e
5. naj?eš?e se sjeti ?emu se smijao
6. dovoljno je snažan da može sam stajati
7. naj?eš?e je odjeven
8. voli hranu koja se lako žva?e
9. sje?a se gdje je ostavio zube
10. sje?a se da je kraj tjedna
Moj muškarac snova
(izmijenjene postavke, 72 god)
1. diše
2. samostalno koristi WC
malo humora [vicevi]
Moderator: Xaotix
When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the American ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.
"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years!
How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer...and no one knew what to say next.
Finally, Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word, 'appiness."
______________
A busty, young, gorgeous blonde was trying on an EXTREMELY low cut dress.
As she studied herself in the mirror, she asked the sales lady if she thought it was too low cut.
"Do you have hair on your chest?"
"No, of course not, what a stupid question!!!"
"Then it's too low cut."
_______________
How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and one to hold the penis... I mean ladder!
"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years!
How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer...and no one knew what to say next.
Finally, Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word, 'appiness."
______________
A busty, young, gorgeous blonde was trying on an EXTREMELY low cut dress.
As she studied herself in the mirror, she asked the sales lady if she thought it was too low cut.
"Do you have hair on your chest?"
"No, of course not, what a stupid question!!!"
"Then it's too low cut."
_______________
How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and one to hold the penis... I mean ladder!
Instant Geek. Just Add Coffee.
dooobra haljina, svi?a mi se (da ne bude zabune, ne bi je ja obukao) :mrgreen:ire wrote:
A busty, young, gorgeous blonde was trying on an EXTREMELY low cut dress.
As she studied herself in the mirror, she asked the sales lady if she thought it was too low cut.
"Do you have hair on your chest?"
"No, of course not, what a stupid question!!!"
"Then it's too low cut."
-
MadDog
- Ancient
- Posts: 646
- Joined: 21 Nov 2003, 10:14
- Location: S onu stranu komandnog prompta
- Contact:
George Bernard Shaw je, kaĹžu, bio ?ovjek bez dlake na jeziku. No, etika njegova doba nalagala je i neke neugodne poteze, pa je, tako, bio primoran na premijeru svog djela pozvati i Churchilla, svog zakletog neprijatelja. Pozivnica je nosila tekst:
-Do?ite na premijeru, povedite i prijatelja, ako ga imate.
Odgovor je glasio:
-Hvala na pozivu, do?i ?u na reprizu, ako je bude.
-Do?ite na premijeru, povedite i prijatelja, ako ga imate.
Odgovor je glasio:
-Hvala na pozivu, do?i ?u na reprizu, ako je bude.
"Zapravo najbolji dokaz da postoji inteligentni život u svemiru je da ga mi još nismo pronašli" by Nessa
Hic blog hic salta
Hic blog hic salta
The Darwin awards are presented each year to those worthies who have done the most to improve the gene pool - by removing themselves from it
Have u heard these?
#1 When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
#2 The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
#3 A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
#4 After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
#5 An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
#6 A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime
committed?)
#7 A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F***-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a F***-up!"
#8 Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made> of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
#9 As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.">
#10 The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
#11 Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. They were quickly arrested
#12 Finally, a 5-star stupidity award winner! When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Have u heard these?
#1 When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
#2 The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
#3 A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
#4 After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
#5 An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
#6 A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, puts a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime
committed?)
#7 A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F***-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a F***-up!"
#8 Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made> of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
#9 As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from.">
#10 The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
#11 Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper. They were quickly arrested
#12 Finally, a 5-star stupidity award winner! When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle Street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
-
Indigo Montoya
- Ancient
- Posts: 605
- Joined: 25 Mar 2004, 13:12
- Location: Out of my mind
- Contact:
Evo jedan [?]ovinisti?ki ispad za cure na ovom forumu (ako niste pro?itali na http://www.forum.hr) 
tko zna moĹžda svi ne[?]to nau?imo iz toga
I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart.
I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out for a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her - well just take them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??!!!"
I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly
over a frozen hell.
tko zna moĹžda svi ne[?]to nau?imo iz toga
I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart.
I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with her. We went out for a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her - well just take them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??!!!"
I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly
over a frozen hell.
if we learn from our mistakes then I'm getting a fantastic education
:uzdravlje:
Pri?a o ?uri Tastaturi
Znatel' pri?u o ?uri Tastaturi
Meni su je poslali na mejlu
Kažu da je brzo pis'o
Nije mrd'o, nije dis'o
Diskutanta takvog više nema... (pripalim)
Otac mu je bio loš softveraš
Hranio je ?urekana jedinca
Mati mu je bila crna
Hitra kao šumska srna
Crna beše boja njenog lica... (uzdah)
Imao je nekol'ko pi-sija
Jedan leptop u veceu da se na?e
Internet je zajahao
Kad je treb'o nije stao
Bez tog ?uda živet' nije znao... (psovka)
Surfao je bez prestanka
Nema no?i, nema danka
A da nije isheklao koju
Surfao je, bra?o draga
od nemila do nedraga
Isurfao ?uro pamet svoju
Miša im'o, ma?ku im'o nije... (šta ?eš)
Voleo je lepu al' kompjuterles
Uz'o bi je samo da je znao
Voleš jednom na tom svetu
Dal' na javi il' na netu
To ne bira hardver nego srce... (oh)
Sve se nad'o da ?e ljubav minut'
Zanavek je otiš'o iz grada
Ven?'o facu s diskusije
Neku Miru iz ?uprije
Uživo je nikad vid'o nije... (druga cigara)
Surfao je sa poletom
Jedrio je sajber svetom
Trošio je brzo bajt do bajta
Surfao je gore dole
Mislio da svi ga vole
Nema toga bogovetnog sajta
Gde se ?ura nije pojavljiv'o... (mrva optimizma)
Navuk'o se nije prošlo mnogo
Dušu svoju majkrosoftu je prod'o
Napusti ga ?ak i Mira
Našla ruku da je dira
Našla dripca da je formatira... (e, jebiga)
Mlad je kažu bio i kad je rikn'o
Sred riplaja nekom diskutantu
Enter dugme zakazalo
Monitor?e posustalo
Al' još pamte njegov zadnji topik:
"Džaba bilo bra?o draga
Od nemila do nedraga
Džaba bilo chatova, dugmi?a...
Džaba dobre tastature
Džaba sajber avanture
Džaba bilo erotskih filmi?a...
Kada nisam s onom koju jojim
Kada nisam s onom koju jojim
KADA NISAM S ONOM KOJU JOJIM
KADA NISAM S ONOM KOJU JOJIM..." (eheej)
Znatel' pri?u o ?uri Tastaturi
Meni su je poslali na mejlu
Diskutanti sli?ni njemu
Kada razmisle o svemu
Kažu da je bio...
U problemu... (uzdah drugi)
Pri?a o ?uri Tastaturi
Znatel' pri?u o ?uri Tastaturi
Meni su je poslali na mejlu
Kažu da je brzo pis'o
Nije mrd'o, nije dis'o
Diskutanta takvog više nema... (pripalim)
Otac mu je bio loš softveraš
Hranio je ?urekana jedinca
Mati mu je bila crna
Hitra kao šumska srna
Crna beše boja njenog lica... (uzdah)
Imao je nekol'ko pi-sija
Jedan leptop u veceu da se na?e
Internet je zajahao
Kad je treb'o nije stao
Bez tog ?uda živet' nije znao... (psovka)
Surfao je bez prestanka
Nema no?i, nema danka
A da nije isheklao koju
Surfao je, bra?o draga
od nemila do nedraga
Isurfao ?uro pamet svoju
Miša im'o, ma?ku im'o nije... (šta ?eš)
Voleo je lepu al' kompjuterles
Uz'o bi je samo da je znao
Voleš jednom na tom svetu
Dal' na javi il' na netu
To ne bira hardver nego srce... (oh)
Sve se nad'o da ?e ljubav minut'
Zanavek je otiš'o iz grada
Ven?'o facu s diskusije
Neku Miru iz ?uprije
Uživo je nikad vid'o nije... (druga cigara)
Surfao je sa poletom
Jedrio je sajber svetom
Trošio je brzo bajt do bajta
Surfao je gore dole
Mislio da svi ga vole
Nema toga bogovetnog sajta
Gde se ?ura nije pojavljiv'o... (mrva optimizma)
Navuk'o se nije prošlo mnogo
Dušu svoju majkrosoftu je prod'o
Napusti ga ?ak i Mira
Našla ruku da je dira
Našla dripca da je formatira... (e, jebiga)
Mlad je kažu bio i kad je rikn'o
Sred riplaja nekom diskutantu
Enter dugme zakazalo
Monitor?e posustalo
Al' još pamte njegov zadnji topik:
"Džaba bilo bra?o draga
Od nemila do nedraga
Džaba bilo chatova, dugmi?a...
Džaba dobre tastature
Džaba sajber avanture
Džaba bilo erotskih filmi?a...
Kada nisam s onom koju jojim
Kada nisam s onom koju jojim
KADA NISAM S ONOM KOJU JOJIM
KADA NISAM S ONOM KOJU JOJIM..." (eheej)
Znatel' pri?u o ?uri Tastaturi
Meni su je poslali na mejlu
Diskutanti sli?ni njemu
Kada razmisle o svemu
Kažu da je bio...
U problemu... (uzdah drugi)
Instant Geek. Just Add Coffee.
Ma nije bitnoire wrote:jednako kao [?]to mu[?]ki mrze kad ?uju frazu 'svi ste vi mu[?]ki jednaki' i Ĺžene mrze kad ih se sve trpa u isti ko[?]..
znam da je rije? o vicu (kolko-tolko) al jel vam ikad palo na pamet da moĹžda nije stvar u nama (Ĺženama) nego vama (mu[?]kima)?
TraĹžio sam reakciju ...iEvo uljep[?]ala si mi dan. Znao sam da ?e[?] TI odmah reagirati
Ma Ire je zakon!
E ina?e ako nisi u zadnjih par dana sre?ivala stranice, neki linkovi ti ne funkcioniraju (sorry ali nisam ima vremena postat to prije)
Pozdrav
if we learn from our mistakes then I'm getting a fantastic education