LR - 13 TB 5

Sudjelujete u literarnoj radionici pisanjem, čitanjem i komentiranjem priča

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Nimrod
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LR - 13 TB 5

Unread post by Nimrod » 03 Oct 2006, 10:55

GLAZBA SFERA

Pleme se okupi oko Gorga.
- Kraj pojila... zadihano će Gorg - Stoji nekakav objekat... Crn, uglat! Svira!
-Huuuuh? Svirati? Kako?
-Ne onako ru??no, kao ??aman Ug, granom po panju! Nego... uzvi??enu glazbu! Glazbu sfera! Otkad sam je [?]?uo, br??e povezujem misli, znam objasniti prirodne pojave, osjećam zov zvijezda...
?[?]aman Ug se prikrade Gorgu iza leđa i kamenom mu razbije lubanju.
-Huuuh? Za??to ??amane?
- Imao noćas viziju! Gorga opsjesti zao demon! Predmet kraj pojila biti veliko zlo! Nitko nikad ne ići tamo!
Pleme poslu??a svog ??amana.
?[?]aman krene prema svojoj pećini mrmljajući. -JA da ne znam svirati... Hmmmgggrrr.
Last edited by Nimrod on 20 Oct 2006, 09:29, edited 1 time in total.
English is the result of Norman soldiers attempting to pick up Anglo-Saxon barmaids, and is no more legitimate than any of the other results.
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corwin
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Unread post by corwin » 03 Oct 2006, 23:05

proÄ?itao sve,komentiram samo ovu
ima?? i zaplet i radnju i rasplet
mućo lajks dis :uzdravlje:
sorry zbog gramatike

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Bahod
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Unread post by Bahod » 04 Oct 2006, 16:17

he he dobro

;)
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ParSek :lol:

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Nazir
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Unread post by Nazir » 04 Oct 2006, 17:07

E ova mi se bas svidala! Podsjetilo me malo na odiseju u svemiru (monolit)

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Alien2dio
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Re: LR - 13 TB 5

Unread post by Alien2dio » 04 Oct 2006, 17:20

TB wrote:...? aman Ug se prikrade Gorgu iza leđa i kamenom mu razbije lubanju...
...? aman krene prema svojoj pećini mrmljajući. –JA da ne znam svirati... Hmmmgggrrr.
E tako treba s kriticarima!
Prva koju sam procitao i odma' musko.
Sve slozeno kako treba, duhovito ispricano od pocetka do kraja u zadanih 100 rijeci, bas onako kako JA volim!
Gubica!

PS:Nebitno za ukupni dojam ali meni pari na "Smijesnu stranu povjesti"?
Tamo je prvi kriticar pisao po slikama na pecini ako se ne varam
(When Lisa asks him about recycling)
Mr. Burns: Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese

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Indigo Montoya
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Unread post by Indigo Montoya » 04 Oct 2006, 19:10

Ja voljelo ovu... a evo i za??to

Prvo Pravilo ultrakratkih prič?a izlazi iz same njene forme koja je vrlo bliska vicu i ba?? kao i vic najuspje??nije djeluje kad ima dobar "punchline".
Stotinu riječ?i je vrlo č?esto premalo za atmosferu, likove, dramaturgiju i sve ono č?ime se mogu podič?iti du??e forme ali za "punč?" sasvim dovoljno.

Ova ga bogme ima i meni je osobno vrlo duhovit i kao ??to je su to moji po??tovani prethodnici već naglasili namah mi je u pamet dozvala nekoliko filmova a bogme i crtićia (BTW kako se zvaje onaj sa likovim koji ??ive u prapovijesno doba i rađen je sa likovima od gline taj. mi je po č?itanju ove prič?e odmah zatitrao pred oč?ima) :)
:blob:
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Alien2dio
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Unread post by Alien2dio » 04 Oct 2006, 19:27

Gogs

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(When Lisa asks him about recycling)
Mr. Burns: Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese

gost
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BlockflÜte

Unread post by gost » 04 Oct 2006, 20:47

Meni je ova najbolja :) Ba?? zato kaj je ko dobar vic!

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klaun van trenda
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Unread post by klaun van trenda » 04 Oct 2006, 20:48

nema se ??to reć osim: zanimljivo i duhovito!
sve ovo dajem generaciji u dešperaciji!
http://www.5wwwww5.com/forum/index.php? ... ticlicense

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Xaotix
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Unread post by Xaotix » 05 Oct 2006, 00:29

Dobra!
Svidja mi se detalj sa razlikom u izgovoru "prosvijetljenog"...
Indigo Montoya wrote:Prvo Pravilo ultrakratkih priÄ?a izlazi iz same njene forme koja je vrlo bliska vicu i ba?? kao i vic najuspje??nije djeluje kad ima dobar "punchline".
S ovim se bas ne bih u potpunosti slozio. Najbolje kratke price koje sam procitao nisu imale formu vica, nego su bile bas price.

Pogledati Nicholas was... Neila Gaimana
Randomness is strong with this one!

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niveska16
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Unread post by niveska16 » 05 Oct 2006, 07:01

Skroz dobro,dapaÄ?e, odliÄ?no... :uzdravlje:

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mcn
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Unread post by mcn » 09 Oct 2006, 13:20

Najslabiji TB do sada. Pad iz suptilnosti u podilazzenji raji. Upalilo je, dodusse, koliko se vidi po reakcijama. >:)

mcn

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