LR - 13 Xaotix

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Nimrod
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LR - 13 Xaotix

Unread post by Nimrod »

Prsti

Tibor je sjedio u mraku i čekao.
«Lezi... Spavaj... Nema nikog...», sneno je iz kreveta promrmljala Anita.
I majka mu je rekla istu stvar. Nema Babaroge, suhih prstiju poput pergamenta, kojima drži hladne medicinske instrumente. Nema svemiraca, dugih prstiju, kojima drže hladne medicinske instrumente. Međutim, uvijek su dolazili po njega.
I uvijek je znao kada će doći.
Zato je sjedio u mraku i čekao.
Anitino disanje je bilo poput sata... Smirivalo ga je. Sklopio je oči na trenutak.
Otvorio je oči i vidio Anitu kako mu prilazi.
«Dođi spavati...», prošaputala je.
Svojim dugim toplim prstima držala je hladan instrument.
Last edited by Nimrod on 20 Oct 2006, 09:30, edited 1 time in total.
English is the result of Norman soldiers attempting to pick up Anglo-Saxon barmaids, and is no more legitimate than any of the other results.
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corwin
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Unread post by corwin »

odliÄ?no si ovo stisnuo,ali si i potro??io prostor na opise pomalo nepotrebno
sorry zbog gramatike
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Bahod
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Unread post by Bahod »

BRRRRR skeri

meni se sviđa

mo??da otmice i anal-probe nisu ba?? fri??ka tema, ali nemam neku zamjerku
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Nazir
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Unread post by Nazir »

Jep! Ima dobar feeling dok je citas.
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Alien2dio
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Unread post by Alien2dio »

Meni labavo, nikakav feeleng.
(When Lisa asks him about recycling)
Mr. Burns: Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese
TB
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Unread post by TB »

Ok je. Cini mi se da bi bila bolja da se produzi.
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Indigo Montoya
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Unread post by Indigo Montoya »

Mi lajkit... podsjetilo me na Cronenbergove filmove... č?ilz'n'trilz
:blob:
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Xaotix
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Unread post by Xaotix »

corwin wrote:odliÄ?no si ovo stisnuo,ali si i potro??io prostor na opise pomalo nepotrebno
Opisi su bili namjerni. Zelio sam njihovim ponavljanjima dati punch u zadnjoj recenici.
Na kraju krajeva , to je ono sto tipa boli...

Razmisljao sam o nekom drugom terminu umjesto medicinskog instrumenta. Ali lanceta, stetoskop i analna sonda mi nisu imali taj stih :D
Randomness is strong with this one!
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niveska16
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Unread post by niveska16 »

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr...ja se naje??ila od samog spomena instrumenta...za mene je ovo Ä?isti horror... :shock:
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mcn
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Re: LR - 13 Xaotix

Unread post by mcn »

>Svojim dugim toplim prstima dr??ala je hladan instrument.

Dobar izbor rijecci, dobar ritam - iako na trenutak zaboravim da on sjedi u fotelji a da je ona u krevetu pa me zbuni kako je ccuo disanje a sad mu prilazi - i priliccno, dakle, dobra pricca. Malo poliranja i odliccna.

mcn

PS Nije SF jer oror nije natprirodan.
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